Manners, Dude!

My life, in these past weeks, has utterly changed. From riding a private car to handing a coin to an insanely-looking jeepney driver; from a day without straining my legs walking to the gate, to a form of exercise we were taught in our lecture-based PE 1 subject; and from looking for a bestseller novel in a classy bookstore to picking up an old book lying inconspiciously on a dusty coffee table.

It was Wednesday afternoon when I got home after school that I had come across with a tiny book of my mom sitting on the master’s bed. Puposely or coincidentally, the book was entitled “Manners for Moving Up” written by Jullie Y. Daza. I didn’t know why it was there, a single book atop my mom’s bed looking like an island in the middle of the azure sea. I wonder if my mom tried to get over with some of its pages and recall its content with what happened to her during that day. (Well , I must opt not to tell you about it further)… I picked it up and browsed through the first leaves. One question consisting of a two-word statement blotted on top of the page saying, “Why manners?”

This is fairly a good question with the overlapping web of things transpiring around our everyday living - a man rushing for his 6:00 call time getting on a jeepney with an old lady going to the market about to climb up the steep jeepney platform, a socialite lady trying to push through a crowd just to get her favourite dish about to be empty in an extravagant buffet course. People, in short, have been losing what we deem as “manners” (some say this could be bad or good but for me, unlawful acts and immoral ones do not deserve to be termed as ‘manners’). Jullie Daza states that anybody who wants to win lots of friends has to enjoy the goodness of living by diving into a line of good etiquette. Imagine a truck driver caught for having not placed a plate number onto his gigantic cart smiling away to the policeman forcing him to give his license away. A smile is one way to urge others to treat you well. I do not say this is a form of sweet escape but rather something to ease up things and loosen up some burden. This could even raise friendship between two contrasting people.

Arguments are raised that in a highly globalized world where people get to drive past one another to reach a goal, manners must be merely neglected. Who says so? With the benefits we could get from this that some aren’t able to realize, manners is a ladder way up to the target everybody wanted to attain. Any compaints? I saw one from a bum. Yes, we are open for an opposition. We do not generalize, no. Here are some special cases where manners are a waste of time.

The bum: We hate manners especially that emergency centers us. Who wants to be a Good Samaritan when you’re on an immediate release of stuff??

The hermit: What did you say, young boy? Come over the button of the heart of the center of the forest. (Whatever)

A single cast-away: SOS, that’s all I can say.

A convict on death row: One wish, spare me.

An inmate in a mental institution: I’ve got manners… Hallelujah, amen.

A fetus: *blobs* *spurts*

Got more complainants? Bring them on via a comment on this post.

In the book, I had several encounters on manners we thought were so good but actually a big no-no to the big book of ethical standards.

Watch Your Words. If you think that wealth may be boasted on the telephone by the number of blows you make with your cigarette, you have to make a change. First rule is to avoid chewing or smoking while talking on the phone. It’s a disgust as much of a disgrace to the person you are talking to. Be a responsible telephone linguist.

In A Rush? You’ve Got No Reason To Brush. Never ever try to even comb your hair while crossing the street, riding on a rail transit, climbing through an elevator and much worse, being in a lone queue. Someone could get all that hair in another person’s face right behind you especially when you are a lady.

Ladies and Gentlemen. “Kim, I’d like you to meet Justine.” (Got confused who’s the girl and who’s not? Ah, never mind.. just take note of the following words.) In introducing a person to another, when you are in the middle of it, the woman’s name is mentioned first meaning, you introduce the boy to the girl, not the other way around. Moreover, when going down an elevator or a stair maybe, change the way we treat a lady or, shall I say, change the long tradition of ‘ladies first”. The gentlemen, as far as ethics is concerned, must precede the lady so the lady has a savior standing right in front of her in case she trips off. At the end of the stairs, the man has to hold the lady’s hands and guide her as she steps off the last step.

It’s Paytime! Unless you go into a Dutch treat, there is someone, a person who shall be the day’s hero. Most of the time, we are mistaken by the concept of paying restaurant bills wherein it is always a man who pays for the bill and if a woman does, it is considered a bad manner. Think again. Women pay the bill if: the man is younger (an exception for lovers) meaning, it is a dinner between a boss and a subordinate; second, if he is earning less even if you are planning for a marriage long due; third, if she was the host or the one who made the invitation. Therefore, women also have the right to invite a man provided that she is willing to pay the bill.

Bells and Beads. If overdressing is an illegal act in ethics, overwearing jewels also have its bounds. Women are fond of wearing jewelry all over their body but one shall learn the extense of it. “Jewelry are meant to be seen, not heard.” Got that? It’s all in the quotation.

The Socks That Suck. However hidden may they be, but they are also as important as your undergarments. Any color of socks will match with black leather shoes but you cannot wear white shoes with black stockings or socks. White socks are best suited for rubber shoes, snickers, or any type of casual footwears but not a formal one.

The Ten Commandments. What?! What has the stone tablet got to do with this? Not too fast, it’s the ten commandments of concert etiquette by Byron Belt as an epitome of the audiences.

1. Thou shalt not talk.

2. Thouh shalt not hum, sing, or tap fingers and feet.

3. Thou shalt not rustle the program.

4. Thou shalt not crack thy gum in thy neighbours.

5. Thou shalt not wear loud-ticking watches or jangle thy jewelry.

6. Thou shalt not open cellophane-wrapped candies.

7. Thou shalt not snap open and close thy purse.

8. Thou shalt not sigh with boredom.

9. Thou shalt not read. (In darkness, nobody would dare to do so.)

10. Thou shalt not arrive late or leave early.

Table Manners. It’s okay when you are alone in a table but if you are with others, there are several do-not’s. Do not burp. Do not fart. Do not smoke unless you are allowed to. And do not floss. Do not leave the table at once. Do not doodle on your plate. Do not be a table-manner-know-nothing-at-all.

There was this pizza restaurant that our family always loved to dine into. Everytime we hit the malls, there isn’t a time of day that we wouldn’t rush to eat in this restaurant not only because of the taste and quality of their food, but also with their utmost service. Your hands do not get oily and dirty as you hold the pizza for they’ve got a plate right in front of you paired with a fork and a bread knife. But it was here in this book that I found out that it is unethical to do such thing. As you eat pizza, you have to eat it like how you eat a sandwich. Hold it between your fingers and smash it bite by bite straight to your mouth. “Nobody eats a sandwich by cutting it with a fork and knife.”

Other things that we mistakenly commit are: (1) cutting pastas in bite-sized strands would break the chef’s heart (2) Steaks are meant to be enjoyed including the way you cut it. Never cut it at once, you cut, then eat, cut, and eat. Steaks are not meant to be cut into pieces all at once. (3) It is untimely to eat a finger food with a fork just for the sake of not dirtying your hands. Duh.

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Now, I say these are just some. If you want to get the full list of Daza’s good ethical behaviour, grab a copy of her book.

Wait a minute, you might have been all stuck there with your eyebrows crossed disagreeing on the whole matter. Again, we do not generalize. You may break the rules when you are a success and don’t care what they say, when you have become a celebrity by a certain style not covering these ethics, when others regard you as odd and eccentric, and when you have all learned them by heart.

As I always say, it is a matter of reasonable choice.